


Unrequited...

by PastaLeaf



Series: You Can't Rewrite The Past [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Childhood Friends, Childhood Memories, Depression, Falling In Love, First Kiss, First Love, Friends With Benefits, Heavy Angst, Hurt, Hurt No Comfort, Implied/Referenced Underage Drinking, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, Mentions of OiKage, Mentions of sexual encounters, Pain, Sad Ending, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, The Author Regrets Everything, Underage Drinking, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unhealthy Relationships, Unrequited Love, iwaoi - Freeform, very minor though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-25
Updated: 2016-10-25
Packaged: 2018-08-24 14:53:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,092
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8376355
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PastaLeaf/pseuds/PastaLeaf
Summary: As he opens his mouth to spill out a confession to his best friend that he himself doesn't quite understand. Oikawa breaks his heart for the first time.





	

Iwaizumi was smitten with Oikawa since day one...

Since he walks into that volley ball practice at the mere age of eight, only to see a boy with poofy brown hair, a dorky smile full of holes and baby teeth, a voice so pure and kind it almost hurt. 

He. 

Was. 

Utterly. 

Smitten. 

It started out innocent with sharing popsicles, practicing setting and spiking together, sleepovers where they'd stay up past their bed times, late summer night firefly hunting. 

But that all changed their first summer as middle schoolers.

He remembers it was uncomfortably hot that day, which was amplified by two pubescent boys lying next to one another with cicadas buzzing in the background. 

"Hey Iwa-chan do you wonder what it would be like to kiss someone?" 

Those word sealed his fate and destiny. 

"What do you want me to do kiss you or something Shittykawa because..."

That's when it happened a press of lips that stole his breath away and made the blood in his veins run hot, making his skin light ablaze. His heart pounding in his chest as his best friend laid on top of him pressing their lips together.

Their was no passion, no lust in the kiss it was soft and fleeting like a kiss a brother would give to another. 

It...

Meant... 

Nothing... 

Well nothing to him at least that was all to clear when Oikawa pulled back and Iwaizumi realized how much he loved his cute smile as he tugged on his bottom lip with his teeth, and oh how he loved his poofy brown hair pulled back into a messy ponytail or how he loved how he smelt like coconuts and peaches.

And as he opens his mouth to spill out a confession to his best friend that he himself doesn't quite understand. 

Oikawa breaks his heart for the first time, with a crinkle of his nose and an awkward giggle and smile.

"That was so gross Iwa-chan it was like kissing my brother." 

Brother... at the young age of twelve it hit Iwaizumi that all he'd ever be to Oikawa was his brother and well this confession should of made him happy that his best friend loved him so much like family... For some unknown reason it hurt.

It felt like a knife stabbing him through the chest as tears flowed freely down his face.

A simple.

"Go to bed idiot." 

Was muttered and once he was he was sure Oikawa was asleep he let the sobs erupt freely from his throat as he cried over Oikawa for the first time.

It wasn't till his second year in middle school did he realize why he cried over Oikawa. 

He was so in love with him it hurt.

He tried so hard not to like him. 

He tried not to watch how he'd chew on his pencils in class when he was concentrating. 

Or how he was slowly passing him up in height.

Or how on their walks home he'd hum that annoying commercial jingle. 

He tried not to notice how pretty his lips were.

Or the way his thigh muscles tensed when he was nervous. 

Or when his shirt lifted up when he went to set that he had a birthmark above his belly button. 

He.

Felt.

So.

Gross.

He soiled his friendship with Oikawa in his mind with the notation of having a romantic relationship with him among other unspeakable things. 

He doesn't know how or when it started but when he thought about Oikawa and defiled him in his mind he'd break out the pocket knife his father got him and would glide it across his wrists, ribs, thighs to make himself feel better.

It was a sense of peace a sense of comfort. 

He wasn't some attention whore and he considered himself good hiding it with, sweat wrist bands, long shirts, longer boxers to cover up his legs. 

Well he was good till his third year of middle school when he cut himself too deep during lunch period with a razor blade he broke out of a pencil sharpener. 

He knew he had made a mistake when the blood made a small pool on the floor. He tried to make it stop that was until his vision went to black and he slipped back his head hitting the wall with a thud. 

When he woke up it was dark minus the iridescent lights flickering. He was slick with sweat his wrist sticky with blood. He remembers bringing his hands to his mouth as a realization hit him. 

Shit practice was canceled today! And with that he was running, racing down the stair towards the gym as his heart throbbed. He had left Oikawa alone waiting for him. Well he was busy slitting his wrists and playing victim.

He...

Was...

Pathetic... 

 

As he swung open the gyms doors muttering a half assed apology his wrist was forgotten. 

That's. 

When.

Oikawa.

Broke. 

His. 

Heart. 

Again. 

There he was a smile played across his lips as his lips were pressed against the lips of Kageyama Tobio. 

He felt his blood run ice cold through his veins. He wanted to be sick. For the first time in his life he wanted to hurt Tooru. He wanted to break him. 

Like he had been broke. 

But instead he turned away in cowardice.

"He's just a kid Tooru." 

He to this day doesn't remember how he got home. He doesn't remember how he ended up with cuts so deep on his arms that blood was oozing out of them causing a pool of red below him. He remembers slumping over as his vision became hazy. Someone pounding on the bathroom door. As the white tile mixed with red around him turning the floor into a beautiful color... 

He remembers a bright light being shined in his eyes and being in a white room with a nurse staring at him with a blank expression, as his mother's arms wrapped around him as she wept. 

"Hajime.."

Over and over.

He remembers begging his mother to lie and say his appendix burst as he slowly sat in the hospital a corpse rotting away. 

They asked him a million questions on why he did it and such and such and he lied saying it was an accident that he was just depressed over his parents divorce that he wasn't really trying to die. 

But... 

He...

Was...

Lying....

He was there for two weeks stuck in an endless purgatory of fruit cups and people asking how he was feeling he hated it. He was just some other stupid victim and he knew that they really didn't give a shit about him. They were just doing their job. They asked him a million times what he wanted and what they could do to make him more comfortable like he was someone on their deathbed and for the most part he said nothing except one thing. 

No visitors... 

He really meant don't allow Oikawa Tooru here, but if he said that it would lead to a whole nother slew of issues that he himself wasn't ready to admit to anyone or to deal with. 

He avoided seeing him till the day before he was to be released.... 

He remembers there being a knock at the door as his veins ran cold with ice once again. As standing in the doorway was Oikawa. 

And...

He... 

Was... 

Beautiful....

Standing there in his uniform hair brushed and styled, a huge smile plastered to his cheeks, a cheery blossom pinned to his chest pocket.  
That was right.... Today was graduation... 

Iwaizumi missed that to.... 

An awkward silence filled the air as Oikawa invited himself in motioning Iwazumi to scoot which he complied as he laid next to him. Iwaizumi thought he was on death's door and his heart was going to stop beating from the close proximity of his friend. And then his heart stopped.... 

As Oikawa interlocked their fingers a warm comforting palm caressing a cold sweaty one. Never once did he look over at Iwaizumi even as he said the words that made Iwaizumi feel sick to his stomach. 

"They said your appendix burst Iwa-chan....but you have gauze and stitches all over your arms, it just doesn't make any sense." 

And with that...

One...

Two....

Three... 

Tears fell down Oikawa's cheeks making Iwazumi feel terrible as he knew he was the reason for his tears. He hated himself, he was disgusting, he was... 

That's when it happened a press of lips against his. Not an ounce of childhood innocence involved behind it. Iwaizumi remembers the way Oikawa fell back onto the bed pulling him on top of him as he ran his fingers through his hair pulling him closer, legs hooking around Iwaizumi begging him to come closer to not let go. 

Mouths crashing together in inexperience as tongues and teeth crashed together. 

 

It was all perfect.... 

It didn't matter that it was a sloppy shitty kiss, it didn't matter that they were practically making out in a hospital because everything was perfect Oikawa was here and he felt the same way Iwaizumi did he....

That's when it happened a shove of hands pushing him away back into the dark void of loneliness as his best friend ran away out of his clutches muttering out. 

"I'm sorry Hajime."

 

After that Oikawa didn't contact him... Or even try to talk to him for that matter in the halls and at practice they acted as if they didn't know one another and it hurt... Iwaizumi tried to get better he really did.... But soon enough he was back to his old ways except this time with razor blades he stole out of the hardware section his skin was now just one big scar as scars overlapped other scars on his skin now... And for the second time in his life he wanted to die. That was until one night during the winter of his second year he heard a knock at his window. Only to open it and find nothing less than... 

Oikawa with a slight blush on his face, snow in his hair and a bottle of sake in his hand. A drunk smile plastered his features as he muttered out.

"Want a drink?" 

That night Oikawa tells Iwaizumi everything about him and Kageyama and how in love with him he truly was... 

A week later he convinces Iwaizumi to stop harming himself... 

A few weeks after that they have sex.... 

And that becomes the routine every Saturday night get drunk and fuck. 

Not make love but fuck as there is no feeling no love behind it as Iwaizumi wakes up the next morning hating himself more and more with the passing Sundays. 

A few months after that Iwazumi confesses his love to Oikawa one night...and they start dating.... 

But not really... 

They didn't hold hands... 

Kiss... 

Go on dates.... 

They just had sex more often not intoxicated...

Iwaizumi tried to convince himself he liked this whole friends by day and lovers by night thing... 

But he was lying... 

He tried so hard...

So...

So...

Hard... 

To make Oikawa fall in love with him.... 

But it was useless and he knew it... 

Oikawa's heart belonged to another... 

Kageyama Tobio... 

Iwazumi lied...

And lied....

And lied... 

To himself that it wasn't true... 

Till one night it became apparent when Oikawa called out. 

"Tobio..." 

Well clutching on to Iwaizumi, his nails clawing at his back. 

He knew then that Oikawa Tooru would never be his.

 

So he decided to give him a chance at happiness by telling him just how much he knew and that it was okay... 

Which led him up to a few hours ago. 

Where Kageyama Tobio broke Oikawa's heart all over again sending him away sobbing and crying into a bathroom stall where he clang to Iwaizumi sobbing over and over again. 

"He hates me."

"This is all my fault." 

"Iwa-chan why? Why did I do this?" 

As Iwaizumi tried to ignore his feelings for him comforting and holding him in his arms as he cried.

 

But eventually those feelings boiled over which led him to now...

With Oikawa pinned up against a wall, clutching Iwaizumi's back pulling him closer so that they can fall back into their cycle of comforting each other the only way they know how. 

The loneliness and unwant creeping up Iwaizumi's back as tears pool in his eyes and in this moment all he can think is. 

Maybe things were always meant to stay this way.


End file.
